Focus

I have always loved fall. The cooler weather, the smell in the air, football, softball and all that goes along with it!  I always decorated the house to the top with fall decor, which Jim loved by the way! 🥴 I haven’t done that the last four years. The last four years, fall has started off hard. Five years ago today I had a banner day of productivity. I cleaned, did outside cleanup and felt so alive and well!  I didn’t know that by 8:30 that evening my world would forever be changed. 

Losing our son, Tanner, has changed me. Not all in good ways but as I sit here today and read through all of the uplifting and caring texts and messages from friends and family I am reminded that my focus should never be on this “season”. It should not be on that day or the details of that day which bring me to my knees every time I think of them.  It should be on the good things he has done through and for me in spite of my pain. Not surprisingly, God gave me this verse earlier in the week as my memory verse for the next month. 

Colossians 3:1-4 MSG translation 

So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorb the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ-that’s where the action is. See things from His perspective.

During this time, I want to shuffle along, oh how I want to shuffle and never look up!  I don’t want to see life going on around me! But God says look up!! See what I have for you!  

As a parent, one thing we all have in common and they love to hear us 😉“take it from me kid…” or “listen to my advice, don’t do things the way I did…” or other word of advice sayings, right?  We all want our kids to take the right path. To avoid the suffering we may have went through. To avoid our mistakes. And we can even show them the fruit of those mistakes sometimes, still they can’t see their own future in our mistakes so they take their own path anyway, sometimes for the good, sometimes for bad. How much more does God say the same to us?  He says “my child! I have made the way for you!  You only have to follow me!” And we can see it so clearly, in His word!  His word is our map!  The future is clear in His word, it’s not heresay from a bossy parent, it’s a loving guide, clearly laid out for us. And He gives us His perspective so we can see it through His eyes which makes it all the more clear!  

I don’t just suddenly feel better reading His word, or feel like I can just tackle life head on.  I still hurt.  I’m still human. And God knows that too and He hurts right along with me!  He sees my pain and he embraces me and says “cry, hurt, grieve and know that I am with you always.” For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans for good and not for evil, plans for a hope and a future. Jer 29:11

So today, I’ll cry. I’ll grieve and remember all the wonderful things about our funny, quiet, music loving boy. I’ll remember his eye rolls and “mom!”  I’ll remember him telling me I don’t know how to tell a joke. I’ll remember how he would try so hard not to crack a smile when his dad told him he had a string hanging from his legs. Or how fiercely protective and at the same time majorly annoyed he was at his sister.  I’ll let God hold me, and grieve for me and with me. But I will look up. I will let Him show me through His eyes the future He has for me and I will embrace it!  

Tanner Robert Allen-Harris

December 13, 1995-September 23, 2016

Never forgotten 

Always in our hearts

Safe in His arms 

✌🏼💚