Punctuation is important

The first comma is so important. We don’t rejoice in the suffering. We rejoice in the fact that when Jesus is revealed our faith will have been so refined that it will result in praise, glory and honor.  

It’s the endurance that we witness with and that will get us to our end goal. The pushing through. And yes we are to consider it joy but he doesn’t say we have to BE joyful all the time. Fake joy is not a witness. 

I’m not going to smile through every workout, but I am going to smile when someone says to me after weeks of working out, “wow you look good!”  And I’m not going to lie and tell them it was so fun and easy because then they will try it and fail! And then I can’t be trusted!  

Being a Christian doesn’t solve all our problems or guarantee us a life of ease. Only by enduring the trials and never letting go of our Hope can we be a witness and reach our end goal.  

Focus

I have always loved fall. The cooler weather, the smell in the air, football, softball and all that goes along with it!  I always decorated the house to the top with fall decor, which Jim loved by the way! 🥴 I haven’t done that the last four years. The last four years, fall has started off hard. Five years ago today I had a banner day of productivity. I cleaned, did outside cleanup and felt so alive and well!  I didn’t know that by 8:30 that evening my world would forever be changed. 

Losing our son, Tanner, has changed me. Not all in good ways but as I sit here today and read through all of the uplifting and caring texts and messages from friends and family I am reminded that my focus should never be on this “season”. It should not be on that day or the details of that day which bring me to my knees every time I think of them.  It should be on the good things he has done through and for me in spite of my pain. Not surprisingly, God gave me this verse earlier in the week as my memory verse for the next month. 

Colossians 3:1-4 MSG translation 

So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorb the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ-that’s where the action is. See things from His perspective.

During this time, I want to shuffle along, oh how I want to shuffle and never look up!  I don’t want to see life going on around me! But God says look up!! See what I have for you!  

As a parent, one thing we all have in common and they love to hear us 😉“take it from me kid…” or “listen to my advice, don’t do things the way I did…” or other word of advice sayings, right?  We all want our kids to take the right path. To avoid the suffering we may have went through. To avoid our mistakes. And we can even show them the fruit of those mistakes sometimes, still they can’t see their own future in our mistakes so they take their own path anyway, sometimes for the good, sometimes for bad. How much more does God say the same to us?  He says “my child! I have made the way for you!  You only have to follow me!” And we can see it so clearly, in His word!  His word is our map!  The future is clear in His word, it’s not heresay from a bossy parent, it’s a loving guide, clearly laid out for us. And He gives us His perspective so we can see it through His eyes which makes it all the more clear!  

I don’t just suddenly feel better reading His word, or feel like I can just tackle life head on.  I still hurt.  I’m still human. And God knows that too and He hurts right along with me!  He sees my pain and he embraces me and says “cry, hurt, grieve and know that I am with you always.” For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans for good and not for evil, plans for a hope and a future. Jer 29:11

So today, I’ll cry. I’ll grieve and remember all the wonderful things about our funny, quiet, music loving boy. I’ll remember his eye rolls and “mom!”  I’ll remember him telling me I don’t know how to tell a joke. I’ll remember how he would try so hard not to crack a smile when his dad told him he had a string hanging from his legs. Or how fiercely protective and at the same time majorly annoyed he was at his sister.  I’ll let God hold me, and grieve for me and with me. But I will look up. I will let Him show me through His eyes the future He has for me and I will embrace it!  

Tanner Robert Allen-Harris

December 13, 1995-September 23, 2016

Never forgotten 

Always in our hearts

Safe in His arms 

✌🏼💚

Reverse Anxiety

 I don’t know if reverse anxiety is a real thing or not but I’m coining the phrase now. What is reverse anxiety?  Some may call it regret but for me it’s a true anxiety about what I should have done. It’s silly. It’s not helpful, anxiety of any kind never is, but it’s real. 

I think every mother in the world suffers from this. When your child suffers their first boo boo, what do we moms do?  “I knew I should have put that table out of the way!” as blood is running down his face from running into it.  “I knew I shouldn’t have let her go to that friends house” as she suffers from nightmares from watching a scary movie. And on and on it goes. 

In my case, I roll through every year of Tanner’s life and wonder, “if I would have done this thing or that thing differently, he would have taken this different path and then maybe all those years later he wouldn’t have been in that truck on that interstate...” and on and on it goes as my thoughts spiral out of control. I know it’s ridiculous. I know that it was a freak accident that was completely out of anyone’s control. However, I can’t seem to stop the thoughts. But we are to take captive every thought. We are to not be anxious. 

One of the most famous verses in the Bible is about anxiety. “Do not be anxious”. Easy for you to say Paul! Or was it? Paul most likely wrote Philippians while in jail! In Acts 16:16,  it tells the story of one time Paul was put into jail. He had called a spirit out of a girl and it made her owners mad because they could no longer make money off of her. They complained and Paul was put into jail.  I wonder if he ever thought, while sitting in jail, “maybe I shouldn’t have called that demon out of that girl, then those people wouldn’t have noticed me, wouldn’t have taken me to the magistrates where I was beaten, and I wouldn’t be sitting here rotting in this stinking jail cell.  But...we know he didn’t think that. How do we know?  Because it says in Acts 16:25 that he and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God. 

Don’t miss a very important part of Philippians 4:6. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with THANKSGIVING, present your requests to God. Paul and Silas came to God in a position of thankfulness. They did not weep and moan, “poor me!” They didn’t have reverse anxiety about what they had done to bring attention to themselves.  They were worshiping and praising God and God freed them!  Now, they didn’t get out of jail, that was their choice, they stayed and through that the jailer and his family were saved. Which is a whole other story.

But they did not let anxiety overtake them, not about their past and not about their future. They took captive their thoughts and they praised God. It’s becoming more and more obvious to me after reading Jennie Allen’s book “Get Out of Your Head” and beginning Craig Groeschel’s book “Winning the War in Your Mind”, that we need to be ever vigilant about where our thoughts are taking us. I didn’t think I needed Philippians 4:6 because I don’t have anxiety. Then God showed me that I was in fact worrying over the past!!! That’s even sillier than worrying about the future! We have to stop trying to be in control, whether of our past or our future and let God take control.  If we sit mired in worry, we can’t ever move forward with where He wants to take us. It’s all about the eternal picture. We have the end of the book!  We know how the story ends!  Us in eternal glory forever and ever with Him! Why are we sitting here stewing! 

It doesn’t matter what I should have or could have done differently in Tanner’s life, he is with God. I have to refocus on that thought. I have to praise God that Tanner is living the best life in heaven. There is no point to my worries. I don’t know what tomorrow brings, but I know my redeemer lives! And someday I too will see Him face to face. Keep your eyes fixed on the prize, Philippians 3:13-15. “Brethren I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you.” 

Ask God to reveal today where your mind may be taking you, then take those thoughts captive and begin to praise God. “Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!” Philippians 4:4. 

Mother’s Day

Another Mother’s Day has come and gone. It’s always a bittersweet day for me. I miss my mom, miss my Tanner, but my living child, step-children and grandchildren are such blessings and bring me so much joy.  

Today, I was doing my bible study, Dangerous Prayers by Craig Groeschel, and the prayer this week is “Send Me”. Possibly the scariest prayer of all, because if we ask Him to send us, we need to be prepared then to go. 

It seems so overwhelming but what if we just start by asking God who and what we can pray for. It’s really all about looking outside of ourselves and seeing the bigger picture. And with Mother’s Day just past, it made me think about Moms.  I don’t think anyone would deny that Mothers are selfless. We would give and do anything for our children, and that’s great, but what if we put that same passion, that same selflessness into God. What if we really trusted God with our children and said okay God, what can I do for you today?  That may still be making lunch for your kids, but now he also has you praying for that neighbor  who seems so lonely while making that lunch. He prompts you while you’re doing laundry with an idea to get a women’s group started, and so instead of grumbling about washing the same clean shirt you know you just folded and put in your son’s room yesterday, now you’re fired up about reaching out to these women. 

I think it’s possible that while being selfless and fully sacrificing for our children we are also being selfish and safe. We can sometimes use our role as Mom and Wife to get out of doing what God has for us. Yes God is using you in those roles, but how much more of a role model could you be to your children and husband than by answering God’s call on your life?  By stepping out in faith and believing He will give you the time and energy. There is a bigger picture than our safe little homes, and we need to be prepared and willing to answer God’s call. 

His presence/His purpose

1 Samuel 3:4-11

When taking some college classes several years ago, a couple of them were distance learning. This meant that myself and a couple other students were in a classroom at our local high school and the teacher was in his classroom at the college 60 miles away. We had never met this teacher, never taken distance learning classs and no one was there to assist us for that first class. We  were lost.  But then we saw someone on screen....we didn’t recognize him and we didn’t know what to say. We gave a tentative hello, but no response. It looked like he was speaking and gesturing with his hands, we gave another hello?  No response.  I swear his look said “I have to teach these idiots?”  Finally he gestured and we understood, “You have to turn on the mic on your side.”  Ohhhh....teehee. 

Someone had come before we got there and set up all the equipment we would need; but not wanting our before-class chatter to be broadcast to the other sites, left the microphone off.  On the mic was a note....”Turn on when class starts”. 🤦🏼‍♀️

We weren’t looking for directions, we assumed our great teacher would just guide us. But how can he guide us if we can’t hear him or know who he is?

Reading these verses in Samuel today made me think of this time in the classroom.  Samuel didn’t know his Teacher either. He didn’t recognize His voice because as it says in verse 7, “The word had not been revealed to him.” 

The Word has been revealed to us but like us students needing to look for directions to turn on the mic, we Christians need to look to the Word for directions also. How can we recognize his voice when He comes calling if we are like Samuel and don’t know the Word.   Just like the school had provided the equipment and directions, God too has provided us the equipment and directions we need to do His calling. 

But what if, when our teacher had come on screen, we just ignored him and continued talking amongst ourselves? We hadn’t ever met him, so we didn’t know if that was him or not. But he had a commanding sort of presence that made us aware of him, like the angel who appeared to Gideon in Judges 6:11-12.  Gideon was made aware that He was in presence of the angel of the Lord. Eli made Samuel aware He was in the presence of the Lord.  Priscilla Shirer in her bible study Gideon says “We must be aware of His presence before we can know His purpose”.  #lessonsfromGideon

God didn’t blow a trumpet or send a great sign to let these men know He was there. He just made them aware.  So be prepared, know your Teacher, know His Word and listen.....you don’t want to miss what He has to say!

Lord I pray today that I will be aware of your presence and will know your voice so that I can know your purpose. 

Move

I have these words that I want to say, but I can't get them all into a "blog perfect" format......God has really been speaking to me that I just need to move.  He is saying it's Progress, Not Perfection.  He is saying, I will give you the words, just obey me and move.  In my bible study today (Gideon, Priscilla Shirer) she said "to see God move, we must be in situations that allow God to move.  #lessonsfromGideon  That was just one more word from God, saying MOVE girl!

She also spoke about drawing a circle around ourselves in our prayer time and while we pray for revival in our families, communities and countries, we need to say "but Lord start the revival here in this circle.  Start with me."

As I mentally picture drawing that circle, this is what I see......and so yes I am inspired and impassioned to draw that circle and pray that prayer, but God doesn't want us to stay there.....we have to move!  But gosh that's hard.  So hard to leave our comfort zone!

God has allowed this season in my life to be a rest period.  He has given this time to me to take my sabbath margin.  We must Be Still at times in order to hear God's word, and I see that circle as a good place in those times.  Leave life outside of that circle and step into that comfortable, safe place with God.  Let Him speak to you and comfort you and love on you.  Pray during that time that God will use you.  He will give you everything you need while you stand in that circle.  That circle is like the Israelites wandering in the wilderness.  They didn't go anywhere, had no destination, it was just their time to learn to depend fully on the Lord.  He supplied them manna, He gave them shoes that did not wear out, He taught them about life outside of slavery.  We are all enslaved to something and we need to let Him teach us to be free and know that He Is Enough! Deut 2:7 says "The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands.  He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness.  These forty years the Lord your God has been with you, and you have not lacked for anything."  

But God didn't intend them to wander forever.  In Deut 2:2 He says "You have made your way around this hill country long enough; now turn north."  I find it interesting that the last time I wrote on this blog (2014), that was the verse that was on my mind.  And yet as I look around, I'm still standing in the circle.  Still wandering in the wilderness.

I will still need to take my Sabbath days.  I will still need to Be Still at times, but I cannot stand still forever.  I must move in order to be in a place that allows God to move.  I cannot stay in my comfort zone because if I do, I will never see the revival that began in me, spread to others.  

🌁 You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn north. Deuteronomy 2:3 🌈